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tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  July 31, 2014 1:01am-1:34am PDT

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>> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show with jon stewart." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme music playing] [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome to "the daily show." my name is jon stewart. we have a good show for you tonight. my guest tonight, oh, an old favorite, maggie gyllenhaal is going to be here discussing her new miniseries, "the honourable woman," about one person's attempt to bridge the gap between -- oh, for god's... israel and palestine?
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oh, man, can a brother gate batman sequel? for god's sake. [laughter] i just need day off. that's all i need. the audience wants me do the same. what would you do? i don't know. i just want some pizza. what do you want from me? [laughter] but tonight i'd like the talk to you about corporations. corporations, they're a lot like us -- immortal. [laughter] shielded from liability, accountable tom shareholders. oh, wait, that's opposite of us. sorry. but there is one thing corporations do have in common with the rest of us. they don't like paying taxes. hate it. fortunately, they rarely have to. it's the subject of tonight's -- oh, no. that's not... i don't.
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i did not approve this, and i feel that this is disrespectful in some ways. it's about... okay. that i don't... that i don't. let's go with the first one, and then we'll just... okay. that's fine. [laughter] anyway, this season's hot new tax loophole for corporations, a once-obscure tax dodge known as the corporate inversion, which sounds like the business equivalent of gender reassignment, and it kind of is. it's a liberating procedure for companies that have been raids american but know in their heart they're really irish. >> tax inversions, that's where companies reincorporate overseas simply to cut their u.s. tax bills. >> accompanied by the foreign subsidiary. through the magic of paperwork proclaims itself to be a foreign company and owned by the subsidiary. >> at the beginning of the day, you're an american company. at the end of the day you're, an irish company. >> jon: it's like st. patrick's day for corporations. [laughter] except instead of beer, they vomit profit.
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corporate inversion is a win-win for everyone. and by "everyone," i mean only the corporations and their shareholders. congress estimates that inversions will cost the treasury $19.5 billion over ten years, but fortune magazine believes that that estimate is way low because "fortune" magazine is a communist rag. [laughter] how do we stop inversion? >> president obama will support anti-inversion legislation. the legislation would mandate that companies must be more than 50% owned by a foreign entity to escape u.s. taxes. >> jon: well, that sounds reasonable, and if president obama is backing that law, it's probably a done deal. [laughter] just out of curiosity, though, for giggles here, where does the republican party stand? >> we have the highest corporate tax rate in the world. >> our tax code, which is what's causing a lot of these inversions... >> in a way these companies are economic refugees.
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[laughter] >> jon: oh, if they're refugees, why don't we just stick to our normal policy and send them back to where they came from. oh, wait, that's here! [laughter] but obviously bestowing refugee status on multibillion dollar corporations attempting to maximize profit through globalized tax evasion is entirely appropriate. let's meet one of these poor corporate waifs, pa's mylan pharmaceutical. no, that's an actual refugee. let's refugee up the logo a little bit. okay. great. that's nice. where is this poor corporation seeking asylum? >> this month mylan announced that it would incorporate in the netherlands as part of a tax inversion deal. >> jon: poor, generic drug company. life was so bad for mylan in the u.s. that it decided to go from pennsylvania dutch to just plain dutch. [laughter] well, here are some of the terrible conditions that mylan
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faced in their home country. millions of dollars in oppressive tax credits for things like economic opportunity, for things like industrial expansion, for things like manufacturing investment, for research and development, for something called "strategic research and development." which is apparently a whole bleep different thing than regular research and development. we're running out of room. super credits against business franchise tax, super credits against corporate net taxes, even a tax credit for rehabilitating an historic building. yes, taxpayers gave a multibillion dollar generic boner pill company money to artificially prop up an aging structure long past the point that nature meant for it to collapse to rubble. [cheering and applause] by the way, if that building stands for more than four hours, you may want to call your
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architect. [laughter] but along with tax credits, the oppressive american regime also forced mylan to accept $3 billion in sales from just the v.a. since 2009, although since it's the v.a., i assume those were for ailments from the '90s. now, we know how conservatives feel about individuals who take advantage of government programs they're legally entitled to. >> remember the surfer dude, lives on food stamps, uses your tax dollars to eat lobster. >> this guy is parasite. >> just because you can take advantage of a system doesn't mean you should. i wonder where his parents are. [laughter] >> jon: i believe it's the neatherlands. [laughter] well, all right, if that's how you feel about people who take too much advantage of entitlements, how do you feel about corporations who on a much larger scale and through morally dubious yet entirely legal means [bleeped] over the united states
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government while still enjoying all the infrastructure and security benefits said government provides? >> the company is more competitive when it puts its legal headquarters overseas. >> they have a fiduciary obligation to their shareholders. >> abbott lab c.e.o. miles white says this is legal. kudos for him for standing up as a c.e.o. and taking a stand. you don't often see that. >> jon: oh, kudos. you so rarely see fiduch-bags like that. out thing the policies that make them money. it's like seeing a unicorn, spreading disease and pestilence in the subway. i'm sorry. i'm being told i'm confusing them with rats. i always confuse rats with unicorns. that's probably why my daughter's birthday party was such a disaster. [laughter] look at my lean body.
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dressed in my trademark jeans. when does this end? when, i say, getting back to the bit? we are constantly giving in to every demand and whim of corporations. and yet they're still not satisfied. they'll never be sats filed. mylan was paying an effective tax rate in the united states of 16.2% in 2013. rather than the 35% corporate tax rate there is. they were enjoying enormous government contract, the benefits of our nih research and development and it's still not enough. they just want and want and want with no concern -- wait a minute. when was the citizens united decision. that was 2010, right? that explains it. corporations have only been people for like four years. [laughter] they're toddlers. and by giving in every time they throw a tantrum and threaten to run away from home, we're
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spoiling these bastards. if we're in the careful, these corporations will grow ferel and turn into something even worse. greasm we don't start telling corporations no, they're going to end up peeing in buckets and trying to sneak monkeys into germany. maybe it's time to tell corporations, if you want to live under our roof, you play by our rules, so, no, mylan, you can't go to holland. you're grounded. we'll be right back. [cheering and applause] ♪ [ male announcer ] dogs smile longer when you give them dentastix. the oral care treat that tastes great,
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couple pieces of chicken, gigantic mashed potatoes. a biscuit, and a cookie. and a drink! [chuckles] you can eat the cookie first, if you want. if you want, if you feel that way. it's your choice! it's amazing. yeah. every summer, my nana sends me a check for $5. it's a pain to cash, but when i do, i can buy all of this for $5. i need to write her a thank you letter. yeah, you probably should've done that way long ago. let's chow down. spork! ♪ [cheering and applause] >> jon: welcome back. foarks we all know video killed the radiostar. ask your parents. [laughter] but has the internet killed newspapers? yes! or has it?
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jordan klepper reports. >> the people of ann arbor, michigan, used to have a lot of local newspapers to choose from, but now all of them have closed up shop or proved online, all except one, the university of michigan student-run daily. i went to their news troop see if they had what it takes to survive. what do you guys think journalism is? >> it must be well researched. >> informative. >> journalism is the ability to tell a story in a way that empowers people. >> is this what they're teaching you here? >> uh-huh. >> oh, we are so [bleeped]. they were going to get crushed. see, kids, the modern world of journalism is dominated by aggregators like these, the ones that killed traditional papers. today men like former gawker editor zimmerman have redefined news. >> if a person is not sharing a news story, it's not news. >> what advice would give college students studying to be journalists. >> i'd say don't bother unless you're learning how the craft
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the perfect story for the viral web, you're probably not getting much out of theajcation. >> really? >> yes. nowadays it's not important if a story is real. the only thing that really matters is whether people click on it. >> you got that, kids? okay, professor, time for journalism 101. >> the most important thing is having a good headline. usually you'll start with a question word. your whats, your whose, your wheres. >> maybe a how? >> yes. then words that cause a person to stop and pay attention some he'll use a this or a that. what this? who that? >> exactly. >> how long does it take do you write a good headline. >> maybe 15 minutes. >> just sitting there for 15 minutes coming up with that headline and then moving on. >> then you have to write the rest of the article. >> how long does that take? >> maybe five minutes. >> time to see if these cub reporters have their priorities straight. >> hear this sound? that's the sound of people liking the things you put online. read me some of your headlines.
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>> acclaimed indy filmmaker donates work to archives. >> next. >> new grocery store replace kroger on south industrial. >> meet the man with no ass crack. sneaky beagle hits up chicken nuggets while owner is away. >> love it. >> sorority girl gets back at two-timing boyfriend by [bleeped] his bed. >> impressive, but he could help this room of full of kids help write articles that matter. well, listen to the advice he has on how the spice up a ground-breaking story on alzheimer's. >> always lead with sex if you. can. >> are we going to touch on alzheimer's? >> we want to wring people in with the boob and the side-boob but stick around for the harder stuff. >> get up with the tits and give them the alzheimer's for desert. >> exactly. >> okay. let's put that to a lab test. by interviewing dr. ava feldman, one of the world's preeminent neurological researchers. >> in a phase one drug trial,
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what you... >> ask her about her sex life. >> i don't think that's appropriate. >> do it. >> i know there's cameras and everything, but feel free to talk openly about anything in terms of your personal life or the reproductive health of some of the staff here. there have been questions about that if you have any information you want to share. >> i don't. >> okay. didn't think so. >> these nerds didn't get it. today news is only the things people want to click on. do you feel that what you did at gawker influenced news? >> i think it definitely did influence news. i think it really depends which story you're talking about. if you're talking about... >> the zoo adopted a stray chat made friends with a lynx. >> imagine that. i think it definitely influenced a new perspective on how... >> kate upton on trampoline. >> yeah, that sounds great.
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>> sorry. >> i tell you, it probably has to a certain extent. again, it depends on... >> can i get that in three words or less? >> yes, it has. >> great. 'd legal with that. it was time to give these students some paternalistic inspiration. >> adorable baby dressed as a doctor. who is a clickable baby? >> for the exotic, baby lion. >> we're not insured. >> and who wants side-boob desk? [clicking] all right. after a few early hurdles -- >> who did this? >> i did. >> this is great. take a picture and put it online. >> they started figuring it out. >> drones. >> that's a selfie with a drone. >> when, this this thing gets ce wave. >> run, run.
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[bleeped] and when the new paper finally arrived, the students couldn't deny the genius of his ways. >> great, right? >> this is [bleeped]. >> no, kid, this is news. >> >> jon: jordan klepper. >> jon: jordan klepper. we'll be right back. ♪ ♪
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>> jon: welcome back. my guest tonight, her new series is called "the honourable woman"." after >> they don't want you to choose a palestinian. they want an israeli. >> it doesn't matter what anyone wants. >> we want you to choose a palestinian. >>ly choose whoever best protects the aims and ideals of this company. and nothing you or anyone else wants will affect that decision. >> you cannot choose an israeli, not after this. >> i'll choose exactly who i want. >> then you will have made a mistake. >> and if i do, at least it will be mine. >> jon: seems like an
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interesting subject. please welcome back to the program maggie gyllenhaal. come on! look at you. how are you? >> i'm good. i'm good. >> jon: what are you doing to me? >> sorry. i'm sorry. let's do it. >> jon: all right. so when did you start filming this thing, this miniseries? >> in 2013. >> jon: 2013. you probably thought to you're, well, jeerkz we'll make this and then probably be obsolete because by the time it comes out, this whole conflict will be solved. >> right. right. >> jon: people will see it as a historical document. >> no, not exactly. [laughter] it was a relatively quiet time when we made it. >> jon: where did you make it? >> we made it in london and morocco. >> jon: that's probably why it was quieter. london and morocco. >> 2013 was quiet in israel and
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palestine, too, quieter. it's true. >> jon: also you give a speech in the beginning of it. your character gives a speech about relations between israel and palestine. and no one shouts you down. nobody shouted you down. and i thought, i understand artistic license, but pushing fiction that far i think really can get you in trouble. >> it's funny. so far actually about this show, and i've been talking about it for a couple weeks. and i've watched you show. i know it's been complicated. and i have not had anybody push back at me and be really upset. you know, i don't know. i guess we'll see what happens. >> jon: you have very thoughtful friends. >> i know. i'm cure dwrows see what happens. i think there will be moments when people think we've gone too far to one side or too far to the other, but i think ultimately, you know... >> jon: it's about
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understanding each other and dramatizing that. >> well, it's about laying out aspects of the conflict i think and asking the audience to think about it. >> jon: uh-huh. >> and so far, anyway, i mean, four episodes have played in london, and actually the fourth episode takes place in gaza and played last thursday. and, you know, i was really curious what would happen and how people would respond. and i think... i don't know. i hope it is making people think and feel. i don't know. >> jon: there's something called twitter. i think if you check it, i think you'll see. let me ask you because i'm almost more interested in when you're making it, because so much of this is... when you're creating something along these lines, it's about the participants, the actors, the writers, the director discussing these issues. i imagine there was a wide variety of opinion on set.
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how did you find that that manifested itself. and was that an interesting conversation? >> >> i think in some ways we made a piece of art. i created a character. i tried create a character they hoped would speak to both sides. now, maybe that's a fantasy. but i do think it's a fantasy that is worth having, that's worth exploring, that's worth considering. and, you know, especially now at this moment where it feels impossible, where it's really scary to talk about, especially in this country, you know, i think art can be one way in to start to think and feel about this, not that it's going to solve anything, but if you can shift someone a little tiny bit, if it's too scarery to have a conversation with so many people because people get so angry and stop listening, maybe, maybe something like this can make you feel about it in a way that makes you think.
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>> is that when you first involve yourself in it, is that part of the calculation and the equation? is this... this is a nice, particularly fruitful area for art to delve into because it's touching, you know, the most volatile heart in some ways on the planet. >> that's why i think hugo, who is the director, who is a genius, in my opinion, that's why he set it here on some level because there is an impossibility about it. it is the heart of something. for me, to be honest, i got involved and emotionally attached to what's happening there through making it. i knew about as much as you know if you kind of try read the newspaper, like i do. i do my best. i have two little kids. and i now am compulsively reading about it. >> jon: right. try keep the kids away from that because that is a tough one to explain. >> true. >> to the little ones. well, it's always great to see you. next time what do you think of
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about a kids' animated series? you come back and talk that >> sure. i just came the challenge you a little bit. >> jon: i know. i love it very much. the honorable woman appears on sundance tv thursday july 31st at 10:00 p.m., the first one here in this country. >> yes. >> jon: maggie gyllenhaal, everybody. [applause] how do they make starburst taste so juicy? they import intense juiciness from the land of intensity. get this intense juiciness to starburst! you know i will! have a pleasant day! thank you! get back to work! [ female announcer ] starburst. unexplainably juicy. have the protein and fuel to fire you up. ♪ hot pockets! got protein to pleeease! ♪ ♪ cuz every bite has got my hot ham and cheeeeese! ♪ hey piñata! i got energyyy! ♪ ♪ from my, my hot pockets! my hot pockets! ♪ with the protein of premium hickory ham and 100% real cheese...
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to see this summer's top 100 shows and movies. i voted! >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is, your moment of zen. >> everybody is talking about inversion, as well you should, but if you look at it through the lens of patriotism, i think you're wrong. and don't use the word "patriotism" unless it's truly patriotic conversation. back to you. >> all right. thanks so much, rick. if oinlt were that easy. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh